I know its passé but I like New Year’s resolutions, which is without a doubt born out of my devotion to lists. My husband is one who doesn’t believe in New Year’s resolutions but I find it valuable to take stock and it is clearly fitting to begin my Derelict Mother blog in a new year with such a list and making it public may help pressure me into obeyance.
Everyone laughs at my lists but I would be lost without them. I am that scruffy looking mother wandering around lost with her Mary Poppins bag (Longchamp which my mother bought for me but it’s so dirty you can’t tell) with scraps of paper falling out of it every which way, each with scribbled ideas, things to do, things not to do, movies to watch, books to read, books I have read, and a diaper or two. I used to have a list of all the boys I had ever kissed and one for my sister and my two college roommates because no one should be alone in infamy. When I was in college those very roommates used to laugh that I put shower on my “to do” list every day and then crossed it off. Shower is not on my “to do” list anymore but if my husband were to author my “to do” list he would add shower as number one because now that I am a mother and I work from home I wait until the last possible minute when I hear my daughter crying in her crib before I heave myself out of bed and at that hour there just isn’t time for a shower. It’s what a derelict mother calls effective time management.
List keeping is nerdy and obsessive but I experience little moments of happiness and accomplishment when I cross something off of one of my many burgeoning lists, and each time I add something I feel a pang of relief that the important task won’t be forgotten. The ensuing problem of course is that we can’t create more time, and that we must be content with finding a way to prioritize, hence the resolution, the mother of all lists.
As a mother myself I have more and more lists, not only do I have lists for myself I also have lists for other people. Those other people don’t know that I make lists for them and about them, but they don’t need to know. New Year’s Resolutions are no exception. So here are my New Year’s Resolutions.
Derelict Mother’s List of New Year’s Resolutions:
- Write a Blog Post at least once a week instead of keeping a list of Blog post ideas.
- Be nicer to my husband so he will be kind in return. (Hide his list)
- Stop listening to tutorials and reading how to books and spend more timing doing and not planning.
- Save some money.
- Give up coffee, cut back on wine.
- Stop believing in the five second rule.
- Banish cockroaches from my life.
- Brush Eva’s teeth.
- Reread Peter Pan
Chris (My Husband’s) List of New Year’s Resolutions:
- Regain my sense of adventure and fun.
- Try not to loose my temper with my beautiful wife and daughter.
- Spend more time doing things I love other than watching sports on TV.
- Tell my amazing, smart, intelligent wife I love her more.
- Appreciate what my talented wife and daughter bring to the family.
- Make fun plans for the future and continue to support my wife’s creative endeavors.
- Take a holiday with my wife and without our daughter.
- Run more.
- Create a more effective time management plan with my wife.
- Get a babysitter once and a while.
Eva’s List of New Year’s Resolutions:
- Pass my age 2 developmental exam at the top of my year.
- Avoid all doctor visits and shots.
- Eat as much Vitamin C candy as possible.
- Expand my eating repertoire to include more exotic foods in addition to my current favorites, which are: dumplings, smoked salmon, and chicken feet.
- Avoid the impulse to strip naked in public places.
- Give up my night-time bottle.
- Brush my teeth.
- Continue my afternoon nap as long as possible.
- Stop “riding” every inanimate object I come across, ask Mommy to buy me a horse.
- Celebrate my “Unbirthday” in June.
A Stranger’s List of New Year’s Resolutions:
- Never ask or assume a woman is pregnant, unless she is in labour and needs your help.
- Never laugh at a person who is exercising.
- Never leer at the opposite sex.
- Never stare at a woman’s stomach or other body parts.
- Do not assume a baby is a boy unless you know for sure.
- Always offer to carry something for a mother with children or at least open the door, or if you can’t open a door please stop your car at the pedestrian crossing- it is the law.
- Do not assume that a mother can do something for you in her free time.
- Do not judge a woman with unbrushed hair, no makeup, bad breath and yogurt on her pants, she is real and your ideals are fake.
- Lower your expectations at home and at work at what a working mom can realistically achieve in twenty four hours.
- Remember and celebrate your own mother when you can.
Following my own advice in this last number 10, I would like to dedicate my first blog post on derelictmom.com to not only my daughter Eva but my mother, Jane on her birthday- New Year’s Eve. For you both, with Love and Dereliction.